child counseling Archives - Stephen Borgman, LCPC

November 26, 2018 By stephen@stephenhborgman.com

5 Cool Child Counseling Activities You Can Use Today

Child Counseling Activities and Home Chef Meals?

I love Home Chef Meals.

My wife orders them every once in a while, and she loves them, too!

Because all the hard thinking has been done for us.

The ingredients are selected, the recipe is typed, and all we have to do is heat up the ingredients.

The end result is beautiful meal!

Would you agree that parenting can be like cooking a meal from scratch some days?

You have to think about the issue and think of a way to handle it.

Child counseling activities are like Home Chef Meals.

They are quick, easy-to-use ideas to help you and your your kids deal with Anxiety, Anger, Chores, Depression, and Homework.

I’ve put these ideas together in a list for you, so that you can bookmark this article and come back to it when you bump up against some of these thorny childhood issues.

Child Counseling Activity: Anxiety and The Worry Box

This activity helps your child control his worries, instead of his worries seeming to control him.

Get a shoebox (or any other kind of box) and decorate it however you wish.

Work on this activity together.

Then, when your child gets anxious or worried about different things, have him write the worry on a piece of paper.

Tell him to put the worry in the Worry Box for safe keeping.

The box becomes a way for your child to “contain” the worry, so that he doesn’t feel like he has to think about it all the time.

Worry Time

Decide together when to open up the Worry Box. This could be once a week, once a day, or more.

When you open up the Worry Box together, talk together about the worry.

Parent Coaching Tip:

Before you start talking about Worries with your child:

A) Consider getting the children’s book, What To Do When You Worry Too Much

B) Check out this resource, written for college kids, but which you can adapt for your own child.

I like that this resource distinguishes between realistic worries and hypothetical worries, and also provides a problem-solving worksheet.

Child Counseling Activities for Anger

Anger Management Activity #1: Help Your Child Learn About Anger

Therapist Aid put together a free worksheet you and your child can fill out together when he’s calm.

Here’s what to do:

1. Fill out the worksheet together.

Choose a time that’s relaxed and fun.

Serve some of his favorite food.

Play relaxing music.

Keep a folder by his bed with the completed worksheet and review it after every angry episode as part of a learning opportunity.

Anger Management Activity#2 – Read a What To Do When Your Temper Flares, or another kid-friendly anger book

One of my favorites, that I use in my practice, is What To Do When Your Temper Flares.

A great free thing to do is go to your local library and ask the librarian for some of their best kids books on anger management, including the one I’ve mentioned.

Anger Management Activity #3 – Learning Self-Control

I’m quoting this activity verbatim from the article, Positive Child Therapy: 19 Child Counseling Techniques & Worksheets.

The Slow Motion Game

This technique can be applied to help the child learn about self-control.

It begins with the therapist explaining what self-control is and describing how it is sometimes difficult to maintain our self-control if we are moving very fast.

He will ask the child to illustrate what this fast-moving looks like. This is an excellent opportunity for the child to get moving and burn off some excess energy!

Next, he will introduce a pile of cards that have an action for the child to act out, like playing soccer, climbing a rock wall, or writing a letter.

The child will pick one card at a time and act out whatever is on it, but with a twist—he or she must do it in slow motion! He or she will engage in this slow-motion activity for one full minute, and a stopwatch can be used to time it. If there are multiple children, they can take turns acting out and timing each other.

This game is a fun way for children to learn about the concept of self-control and an opportunity for them to build it through play (Hall, Kaduson, & Schaefer, 2002).

Child Counseling Activity: Kids and Chores

Getting your child to do chores doesn’t have to be complicated.

Make Chores Assumed and Fun

Kids naturally like to be productive and part of things.

Assume that chores will be done (no lectures here), and participate in the chores with them.

Here are some chore activity suggestions from Parents.com –

1. Work as a team.

You can work together to see how fast you get get a chore done. Just make sure you show him how it needs to be done so that it’s done well.

Play his favorite music and make it into a dance party!

2. Make an infomercial together.

If you have more than one child, one child can record on the iPhone (or other Smart Phone) as the other child demonstrates the chore.

Or, if you have an only child, you can run the camera and your child can do the chore. Then you can swap roles.

3. Mix It Up.

Write all the chores on popsicle sticks or cards.

You can make use different colors for different parts of the house.

Have your child choose 3 different ones.

4. Invent More Difficult Challenges

You can begin by having your child do part of a chore.

As he gets used to doing that part of the chore, say, putting dishes away, you can ask him if he thinks he can handle a bigger challenge.

His next step may be loading the dishwasher.

And so on.

Child Counseling Activities: Coping with Depression

Child Depression Activity #1: Teaching Your Child About Feelings

It’s okay to have them, and it’s important to understand them.

Watch this video from the kids’ movie, Inside Out:

Talk about what kinds of feelings you and your child have experienced today.

Child Depression Activity #2: Learn about how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected.

Fill out this worksheet with your child.

Fill the sheet out twice.

Once when he’s feeling happy, and once when he’s feeling angry, sad, or down.

Here’s an example of a girl filling out the worksheet when she felt sad and hurt.

The girl, Emma, inoticed What Happened: “My friend Emma has not spoken to me as much as usual in the last week.”

My thoughts: “ Emma hasn’t spoken much to me this week. She must be mad at me.”

My feelings: “I felt sad and hurt.”

My actions: “Because I was upset, I ignored Emma and avoided her at school.”

Coming up with new thoughts can help you see the situation differently.

New thoughts: “Emma might be upset with me, but maybe not. I don’t know”

New feelings: “Concerned that Emma might be upset, but I’m not as sad as I was.”

New actions: “Ask Emma if she is mad at me, or if she has another problem.”

These exercises are powerful because:

1. Your child will learn that it’s okay to have thoughts, feelings, and actions.

2. Your child will start to understand that some thoughts and actions may not be helpful to him.

3. Your child will learn that he can learn to control his thoughts and actions, redirecting them to become more helpful, which will then produce better results in his life.

Child Counseling Activities for Homework

Homework Activity #1: Have some some fun together

Read the book, How To Do Homework Without Throwing Up

This is a humorous yet effective way to help your kid deal with the challenges and woes of homework.

It talks about tips for getting started, tips for getting through the homework, and much, much more.

Homework Activity #2: Review These Homework Tips (For Us Parents)

Here are some more tips from FamilyEducation.com

1. Set up a space for each of your children, complete withall the study materials they need.

2. Use When/Then. In other words, set a schedule.

How you do this is up to you. Your children may need up to an hour of down time. You know your kids best. Then they need to start studying.

Or, it may be best to say to them, “When you’ve finished x amount of homework, then you can play.”

3. In general, No Screens during homework time.

Of course, the digital revolution has happened, so you may need to be flexible with this rule.

Just ensure that your child isn’t using “I have to have my phone/computer/iPad to do my homework” doesn’t turn into a way to avoid doing the homework.

4. Be available to help, as best you can.

School is changing so much! Just because you may not understand everything your child is learning doesn’t mean you can be there to help as best you can.

Help your child learn to problem solve and persist, even when he doesn’t understand everything he’s learning.

5. Help your child learn to use an assignment book and apps that will help him succeed.

Some more helpful homework resources for you, the parent:

Free webinar: A Parents’ Guide To Conquering Homework

(You’ll need to sign up to Additude Magazine’s mailing list, but they are a great resource.)

Additude Magazine’s Video -The ADHD Homework We Swear By (Not At)

Use and Enjoy These 5 Child Counseling Activities

Bookmark this article so that you can come back to it.

Adopt a growth mindset toward parenting and supporting your child.

Don’t feel alone on your parenting journey!

Call me at 847.571.0274 to talk for 15 minute strategy session.

I’ll listen to you and we can decide whether you’d like to meet for an initial session for you and your child to get to know me.

Or you may contact me via the form below. Please keep your message fairly general, so that you can protect your privacy and speak more specifically when we talk via phone.

If you are, considering child counseling for your child, please contact me for a free 15-minute consultation.

In addition, to learn more about my practice, check out Child Counseling in Barrington, IL

Steve Borgman, LCPC, is a cognitive behavioral therapist and currently owns a private practice in Barrington, IL. To find out more about Steve, check Counseling and Psychotherapy in Barrington, IL.

Photos:

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

Photo by Santi Vedrí on Unsplash

November 5, 2018 By stephen@stephenhborgman.com

Ask Me Anything: 7 Answers To Your Questions About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Children

How’d you like to get a cup of coffee with you so you can ask me anything?

Well, I can’t be assured you like coffee, or that you’d want to sit in a coffee shop with me.

If you’re like me, you may feel overwhelmed when thinking about counseling for your child.

Read my answers to 7 frequently asked questions about cognitive behavioral therapy for children.

7 Questions About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy For Children

What is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)?

Here’s the easiest way to think about cognitive behavior therapy.

It’s about examining our thoughts, our feelings, and our behavior.

Therapy gives kids (and adults) a chance take to become more self-aware.

As you and I change our thoughts and actions, we achieve better life results!

Watch the video as cognitive behavioral counselor Jennifer Shannon explains CBT using The Dog Story.

The Dog Story will help you and your child understand that changing our thinking and changing our behavior can be very effective in managing anxiety, depression, anger, and other emotional challenges.

Why CBT?

According to Effective Child Therapy, treatment literature supports this type of therapy as “proven to be effective in treating many psychological (conditions) among children and adolescents”.

What conditions are most commonly treated with cognitive behavior therapy?

Most kids that I work with directly using CBT are dealing with some type of depression or anxiety.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can also help children who are struggling with anger issues.

How does cognitive behavioral therapy work?

I always approach the first session as ‘getting to know you.’

If you and your child don’t feel comfortable talking to me and getting to know me, you most likely won’t want to come back.

I use Your World technique to get an idea of how well the child is doing in different areas of his world: friends, school, family, and self.

We draw a picture of the world, and we divide the world up into those different areas. Then I ask the child to rate how well things are going in each area on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest, and 10 being the highest/best.

I explain that we will work on changing our thinking and our behavior to help us get whatever number the child chose (say, 5) a bit higher in the coming weeks.

Effective Child Therapy outlines approaches that I use:

The therapist and child or adolescent develop goals for therapy together, often in close collaboration with parents, and track progress toward goals throughout the course of treatment.
The therapist and client work together with a mutual understanding that the therapist has the theoretical and technical expertise, but the client (in this case, both your child and you, the parent/s) is the expert on him or herself.
The therapist seeks to help the client discover that he/she is powerful and capable of choosing positive thoughts and behaviors.
Treatment is often short-term. Clients actively participate in treatment in and out of session. Homework assignments often are included in therapy. The skills that are taught in these therapies require practice.
Treatment is goal-oriented to resolve present-day problems. Therapy involves working step-by-step to achieve goals.

What about me, the parent?

As a parent or parents, I want you to be involved as much as possible.

In order for you and your child to feel comfortable, you can be in the room for the first couple of sessions (or more).

As you learn the lessons I’m teaching your child, you’ll be able to support your child going forward.

What resources do you use?

I use a lot of the kids’ books from psychologist Dr. Dawn Huebner.

She’s written a book on anxiety called, What To Do When You Worry Too Much, one on depression called What To Do When You Grumble Too Much, and many others.

Dr. Kendall’s Coping Cat curriculum is great for a systematic approach to treating kids’ anxiety.

Keeping Your Cool, by Drs. Nelson and Finch, is an evidence-based curriculum to help kids learn to manage their anger.

Finally, I consult Treatments That Work With Children as a manual for the full range of kids’ challenges.

“Eight comprehensive and engaging chapters cover how to assess and treat the most common behavioral disorders in children: disruptive behavior, anxiety and depression, habit disorders (such as tics and thumbsucking), sleep disorders, encopresis, nocturnal enuresis, the treatment of pain, and adherence to medical regimens.”

When useful, I’ll also introduce apps that will help kids and parents reinforce what they’re learning in session.

How long does cognitive behavioral therapy last?

This will depend on yours and your child’s goals.

In general, cognitive behavioral therapy is considered a shorter-term therapy.

We want to measure progress by getting yours and your child’s feedback as we meet and we want to see a trend toward positive results.

Sessions vary from six to twenty.

As we meet, you’ll be learning specific skills (both parents and children) to bring better results.

Thank You, and Your Next Steps

If you’ve read this far, I applaud you!

You’ve done some research, and you’re ready to make your next move.

Don’t feel alone in your parenting journey.

Call me at 847.571.0274 to talk for a 15-minute strategy session.

I’ll listen to you and we can decide whether you’d like to meet for an initial session for you and your child to get to know me.

Or you may contact me via the form below. Please keep your message fairly general, so that you can protect your privacy and speak more specifically when we talk via phone.

Little Known Ways To Understand Your Explosive Child

“Why do children with autism have such explosive meltdowns?

How can I understand the explosive child?”

Parenting children with Aspergers and autism is not a job for the faint of heart. Of course, you never knew you were signing up for this, did you? 🙂

As a parent, have you ever been talking to another adult/parent of a typical child?

Suddenly your child starts loudly letting you know that s/he wants to go home, please stop talking. As you ignore your child, the complaining gets louder and turns into a tantrum.

Or, you’re in a store and your child becomes fixated on a certain item s/he wants.

You move away from that area, and all chaos breaks loose.

Concerned adults stare at you, and some of them mutter something about how spoiled kids are these days.

These are trying circumstances, and they’re just the tip of the iceberg!

They don’t see the day in and day out struggles over homework, getting ready for school, getting ready for bed, getting out of bed in the morning, brushing their teeth, getting dressed, and so on, and so on, and so on!

A Better Understanding

The purpose behind this article is to give you a paradigm for better understanding characteristics of children on the autism spectrum which make them particularly vulnerable to explosiveness, meltdowns, and tantrums.

I want you to know that you are not a bad parent! Understanding is the first cornerstone in better parenting your child while maintaining your sanity.

Dr. Ross Greene: Collaborative Problem Solving

Ross W. Greene is the Director of the Collaborative Problem Solving Institute in the Department of Psychology at Massachusetts General Hospital, Codirector at the Center for Collaborative Problem Solving, and Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

His research centers around treating children who are typically disruptive, explosive, and irritable.

These children can have many different diagnoses, not just autism. What they share in common, though, are some characteristics that are vital for you to understand.

What? Not Me?

As a side note, remember that “the apple may not fall far from the tree.”

I know, I know, your defenses are up. “Not me,” you say.

But keep an open mind, and remember that sometimes, as parents, we may also share some of the characteristics of our children. For example, we may complain that our children are so inflexible.

However, are we just as rigid sometimes in our parenting? Food for thought 🙂

What’s Next?

As a parent, you may be asking, “What should I do with my child?!”

Instead, Dr. Greene suggests that we ask a different question:

What cognitive factors are contributing to my child’s learning disability in the domains of flexibility, adaptability, and frustration tolerance?

The key of Dr. Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving Model for parenting explosive children is to understand that each child may be lagging in one or more of five different clusters or “pathways”. Therefore, you must understand that your child’s difficulties are due NOT to poor motivation on the part of the child, or due to your adult ineptitude. Rather, it just means that your child is lacking some specific cognitive/emotional skills in one or more of these five areas. It’s very relieving to understand this, because in the understanding lies the solutions.

5 Pathways

The following list of pathways is taken from the Pathways Inventory, listed in Chapter 1 of Dr. Greene’s book, Treating Explosive Kids.

The first pathway is in the area called executive skills.

You will know that your child struggles in this area if you notice some of the following characteristics:

Difficulty handling transitions, shifting from one mindset or task to another, or adapting to new circumstances or rules
Poor sense of time/difficulty doing things in a logical or prescribed order
Disorganized/difficulty staying on topic, sorting through thoughts, or keeping track of things
Difficulty considering the likely outcomes or consequences of actions (impulsive)
Difficulty considering a range of solutions to a problem

The second pathway is in the area of language-processing skills

You will know that your child has challenges in this area if you notice the following:

Often has difficulty expressing thoughts, needs, or concerns in words
Often appears not to have understood what was said
Long delays before responding to questions
Difficulty knowing or saying how s/he feels

The third pathway is in the area of emotion regulation skills

You will know that your child struggles with these skills if you notice the following:

Difficulty staying calm enough to think rationally (when frustrated)
Cranky, grouchy, grumpy, irritable (outside the content of the frustration)
Sad, fatigued, tired, low energy
Anxious, nervous, worried, fearful

The fourth pathway lies in the area of cognitive flexibility skills

If your child displays these characteristics, s/he may struggle in this area:

Concrete, black-and-white, thinker; often takes things literally
Insistence on sticking with rules, routine, original plan
Does poorly in circumstances of unpredictability, ambiguity, uncertainty
Difficulty shifting from original idea or solution; possibly perseverative or ruminative (in other words, cannot let go of an idea)
Difficulty appreciating another person’s point of view or perspective
Does not take into account situational factors that would suggest the need to adjust a plan of action
Inflexible, inaccurate interpretations (also known as cognitive distortions) (for example, “Everyone’s out to get me,” “Nobody likes me,” “You always blame me,” “It’s not fair,” I’m stupid,” “Things will never work out for me.”)

The fifth pathway is in the area of social skills

By definition, children on the autism spectrum struggle in this area, but it’s helpful to see how it may manifest itself:

Difficulty attending to or misreading of social cues/poor perception of social nuances/difficulty recognizing nonverbal social cues
Lacks basic social skills (how to start a conversation, how to enter a group, how to connect with people)
Seeks the attention of others in inappropriate ways; seems to lack the skills to seek attention in an adaptive fashion
Seems unaware of how behavior is affecting other people; is surprised by others’ responses to his/her behavior
Lacks empathy; appears not to care about how behavior is affecting others or their reactions
Poor sense of how s/he is coming across or perceived by others
Inaccurate self-perception

Once you understand these pathways, you will want to identify the situations in which your child blows up or “loses it”.

Take notes on the situation, and see if the situation is such that highlights difficulties in any of these five pathways.

Become curious, a parent detective if you may. By becoming aware of situations and what trigger the meltdowns, you will be developing a sense for why your child is melting down.

In future articles I am going to share Dr. Greene’s approach to helping your child develop the skills necessary to better cope, and to diminish the frequency and intensity of the meltdowns.

For further reading, you may enjoy this book from Dr. Greene: you can purchase it or check it out at your local library.

Source: The Thrive with Aspergers/Autism blog.

Let Me Help!

If you’d like me to work with you to help your child, check out my child counseling page, or call me at 847.571.0274!